LOng Time NO See Yah.....

Weee..... about 3-4 month without opening and updating this lovely blogs


Yeah , in this time also , there are many changes between me and my life actually


Many things comes and gone ,
many things begins and disappear ,
sometimes feel guilty ,
sometimes feeling so brave facing this life .

God , Jesus ~ even i shouting to you ,
please give me a place for share many things that i wont tell to everyone ........

This boy , who have ever facing a nightmare ,
facing a day fully of pain and also sins ,
just wanna living with his egoism , with his loneliness ,
while always ask a apologize from his God , Jesus Christ

I'm not at all being as a mature boy rather than man .

When i feel broken and being so mellow sacratic ,
no one will be the friend of mine , who can listen to me then giving spirit for living again

Just that , my lovely blog . Tonight for this time

Nothing ever changes , but everything never changes

傻傻的

这是我今月第一扁BLOG

没什么事, 着因为心请不太好而已

刚上网,没人在上,所以就傻傻的带在那儿

今天的课不知道会不会如何吗

我快疯了

just 2 days , that shit things now become more obvious .
i dont wanna given up , coz if i given up ,
i will become a big loser.

no one care about me , no one wanna know , no one will understand .
even the most knowful person , just silently gone .

i’m not stronger anymore .
now i’m is like just a heart-less person
being played by the life

My Life and The Devil

W.X3.M®
67_4-4rom de White-Shine _=_Xian_XiA-hn_Xian-G _=_Makmur Wijaya
29-01-2009_21.26.21.44

Damn.........

bad-mood tonight

feeling little shit tonight


there’s a word , the word i can’t say ...
even i past away from this world , that word , always can’t say .

Gambling with my life
Gambling my life with the devil

My heart already blind , blind of something can’t understand , can’t describe .

Freezing
Blind
Hurting

Harus bertahan atau menerimanya dengan penuh kesakitan
Menunggu kepastian takberujung untuk masa depan .....
Tak pernah bisa menjawab

Lebih baik butakan saja penglihatanku
Lumpuhkan saja diriku

Dengan diberi karunia sebaik ini saja , wa tak pernah membahagiakan diri sendiri .
mungkin dengan sedikit kekurangan , wa bisa memaknai hidup lebih baik .

Lebih baik diam , daripada berbicara , tapi sia-sia
Lebih baik diam , daripada membuat masalah

Mengingkari kenyataan , berpura-pura pada dunia ......

행복하게 살아줘

W.X3.M®
67_4-4rom de White-Shine _=_Xian_XiA-hn_Xian-G _=_Makmur Wijaya
24-01-2009_20.41.22.00

행복하게 살아줘 read as haengbokage sarajweo
행복하게 살아줘 means live happily

jeouman haengbokage sarajweo

Live happily was my dream passing these days....

feeling too broken today ....
thinking too much shit things
what the hell it is ....

fingers flowing slowly up the keyboard ,
writing down heart voice of ones

the story that don’t know when begin , when finish
the story that don’t know where it’s began , where will end ...

2 days till lunar new year , i don’t wanna greets the new year with many preparation .

24......25.....then 26..... , it’s Lunar New Year ...
what i get from the lunar ?

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

Teriakan tak bergeming
Tangisan tak membasahi

Apa , Kenapa , Mengapa , Untuk Apa ?

Sesuatu , berujung , berujung dengan kekosongan

I even don’t know why i can’t move on , what must i do ?

Waktu juga akan melewatkan semua ini
Waktu akan menghilangkannya ....
Apa daya .....

shining heart with shining pain ................................

Too much hurt can make someone being mellow-sacratic ~~~ ......

W.X3.M^®

67_4-4rom de White-Shine _=_Xian_XiA-hn_Xian-G _=_Makmur Wijaya

20-01-2009_21.42.21.49

Barrack Obama Inauguration Day’s

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Hurting own feeling~~

Feeling own hurting~~

Heart~Feel~Hurt ~ ~ Are they same ?

Feeling Hurting Heart

Hurting Heart and Feeling

Feel Hurt

Hurt Heart

Just something to tell.....

Too much hurt can make someone being mellow-sacratic ~~~ ......

Kata tak ter-rangkai , hidup tak berkerangka , mati pun sia-sia

W.X3.M^®

67_4-4rom de White-Shine _=_Xian_XiA-hn_Xian-G _=_Makmur Wijaya

18-01-2009_20.25.21.10

eat very full tonight .

after dinner , then some cookies and bread .

hem , very full .....

yesterday also , went to indra’s home stay weekend ...

so tonight , wanted go to sleep earlier .

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

some scene of life makes me feeling uncomfortable ......

i don’t know ..... .....

anything have changed ...

i don’t think so , for what i still alive now ...... hm....

lunar new year coming soon ....

havn’t something special moment greeting this new year .....

still writing some chapter of life-story

still changing the life story

still searching , still looking

still thinking , still dreaming

freezing

under tension , under domination

i wanna life should go on ...

life must changed or

the world must changed ..... ?????

me

my life

my world

my destiny

+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+

masi lum kembali ngutak-ngatik lirik ....

entah mengapa , merasa diri sendiri bukan orang yang puitis banget ...

Is writing a song very difficult ?

bagian puitis , menjadikan lirik lebih indah dan bermakna

emosi nya harus ada .

Disatu sisi jika mengulang emosi yang pernah ada , wa malas en takut .

Sejauh ini uda keluar dari keadaan kurang menyenangkan ,

tak lagi mencemaskan hal-hal tak penting

tak lagi menangisi hal-hal konyol .

Jika harus kembali kesana , demi menemukan emosi yang bagus ,

I’m tired .

Capek , en takut setelah pergi , tak mampu kembali lagi .

Disisi lain , tanpa emosi , lirik akan susah dibuat .

i think , i must studied more .

Hidup selain disibukkan aktivitas rutin , juga dipenuhi beban pikiran ,

beban bathin , beban psikologis .

luka lahir bathin , cedera jasmani rohani .

Sejauh merasa , merasa segala sesuatu tak menyenangkan .

But di balik semuanya , sisi lain diriku mengatakan .

“ That’s the happiness , passing day with routinity .

With friends , family , and peoples “ .

In the other side , i know , what i want , the dreams , haven’t be realized .

But this life was like this . Be a mature thinker , that all not only pain .

There’re also happiness . Only your feeling . That’s the feeling “

hurting own self , hurting another .....

i don’t wanna talk to another , i wanna put in myself .

yaph , selfishness

Kata tak ter-rangkai , hidup tak berkerangka , mati pun sia-sia

luka tak terhapus , malah lebih terlihat .... nyata

aku...lumpuh ...

harus kembali menata pikiran , menenangkan hati , belajar berdiri ,

berjalan , berlari ....

Must i said that : “ It’s better if i’m blind .

I dont wanna see anything again . ??????? ”

Di usia menginjak 20 , wa ingin ini semua berakhir .

Wa pengen di ulang tahun ke 20 . Wa bisa lebih tahu arti hidup .

I wanna when I’m 20 years old . I have , the real new , full happiness chapter

( 16 , 17 , 18 , 19 , 20 ............... ................. .................. ................... .................... )

Making loneliness all the more obvious

W.X3.M^®
13-01-2009_20.39.20.54
Making loneliness all the more obvious

this time , listening some songs feels very calming

loneliness more obvious......

stopping in this place

was the ..... most hurt step .....

steping foward , i don’t know how

this time , listening some songs feels very calming

我都学不会

把爱敷衍
用笑容来把眼泪催眠

笑不能笑

哭不敢哭

能不能不爱了

因为爱太痛了
我痛得快死了

却无法把你忘了

then , the heart feezing

waiting the time melting .....

after snowing , i will melting

built from the ice ....